M A M A

I love being a mom. It is 100% my thing. I love the title beyond words. Also, I want to be THAT mom. The stay at home mom. The Pinterest mom. The perfect house mom. The “we don’t do screen time (L O L) mom. The Elf on a Shelf mom. The patient, loving, never get annoyed mom.

But I’m not.

I’m the stressed mom. I’m the “work outside the home” mom. I’m the tired mom. I’m the tablet, phone, TV mom. I’m the mom with big plans, but a lot of the time I do not follow through with my ideas because I bite off more than I can chew.

But I’m doing my best.

I long for the pretty tree in my living room decorated perfect. I have huge dreams of baking the cookies that look like realistic Santas, trees, and snowmen. I wish I could tell people that I cannot sleep if my house is a mess or the dishes have gone undone.. again.

But I’m can’t.

Do you know who still loves me, though? Avery Grace. A couple days ago, we asked Avery if she wanted to decorate cookies. I had picked up some cookie cutters from the Dollar Tree, had Bailee picked up some pre-packaged cookie dough (yaknow, add water and oil and BOOM- cookies) aka F A N C Y, and talked it up like crazy. You would have thought this three year old was living the toddler dream while mama spent like $5 total. She helped press the dough down on the pan, she picked the cutters she wanted to use, and we all worked together to make the worlds fanciest cookies.

But they weren’t.

They were lame. The Santa looked like the snowman and the snowman looked like a blob. We didn’t frost them. We didn’t do anything fun with them. But to Avery- they were perfect. She couldn’t pick which one she wanted to eat first. She was giddy with excitement as she stood there and watched as they cooled off. When she finally got to pick out the cookie she begged for and start eating, her chocolate covered face was the best face I could have asked her. As her mom, I was enough.

But it’s so hard to feel like I’m enough all the time.

In the holiday season, I feel like it is easy to feel inadequate. Not just for mamas, but for aunts, cousins, grandmas, or friends. Making sure you have the money for the perfect dirty Santa gift for the eight parties you’re invited to, making sure your husband has the newest socks, underwear, and video game under the tree. Staying up late to wrap all the presents just perfectly, so that they can be unwrapped in 2.5 seconds. Taking the kiddos to see all the Christmas lights, moving that damn Elf for the fourteenth time this week, and getting enough sleep to keep going the next day is not simple. But you got this girl. You got this mama. You got this aunt. You got this grandma. YOU. GOT. THIS.

But it’s okay to have those days.

Take it slow. Keep it simple. Your kiddo will still love you. Your kiddo will still think you’re enough and the best mama. Money won’t buy your happiness. Go drive through your towns expensive neighborhoods and look at lights. Buy the easy cookie mix, they won’t care it’s not made from scratch- they care they got to do something fun with someone they love. House and wallet too small for that big tree? Santa visits small ones too. If all you have is a little 1 foot tree decorated with flamingos (guilty) then rock it. Your kid will still think you’re cool because who doesn’t love flamingos? Psychopaths. That’s who. Don’t base your happiness on Pinterest, HGTV, or your friend Rachel’s extravagant instagram stories with the perfect filter- base it on you and your family.

But at the end of the day when you still feel like there pain in the night, don’t forget that Joy Comes in the Morning.

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